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The Sex You Want, Looking Forward To Dating Again

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The Sex You Want, Looking Forward To Dating Again
January 01
09:15 2017

Article Highlights

  • Divorced women interested in a sexual relationship are often concerned with getting used to dating again
  • Practicing how to talk about sex with a potential partner
  • Women may find they hold back due to their insecurities

You’ve dreamed about sex with a stranger, who surprises you with the one-night stand you’ve been itching for. You’ve imagined a tryst of proportions so unlike you, yet you’re starting to feel more like yourself than you ever have.

It may be years, months, or even days since you’ve done the deed, but there’s every reason to look ahead to the sensual reveries you desire.

After a recovery period and going back to a state of normalcy, the thought of dating again can bring more anxiety than you remember. There are questions to be asked, preparations to be made, and a familiarity with yourself—what “dating” means proves to require training in itself. You may have a stronger sex drive that has grown over the years, and you may be ready to move forward. There’s no reason to feel like you’re not ready, but you can feel more prepared.

Adrienne Bairstow is a Toronto-based Sex Therapist. She emphasizes that divorced women interested in a sexual relationship are often concerned with getting used to dating again, as well as preventing sexually transmitted infections, which may be something they haven’t thought about for a long time.

“I would suggest that women educate themselves on birth control and protection against sexually transmitted infections,” said Bairstow. “Particularly if they have been out of the dating scene for some time. They may also want to practice how to talk about this with a potential partner, including how to ask someone about their sexual history..”

The Sex You Want, Looking Forward To Dating Again

The Sex You Want, Looking Forward To Dating Again

It is important to know what kind of sexual relationship you’re looking for. Whether casual or long-term, this kind of self-awareness aids forward-movement, discovering who you are and what you want.

For some women, Bairstow admits, sex drive may be heightened in their 40s.

“Often it’s because they’ve become more comfortable with their body, they know what they like sexually and they are able to ask for it. And for some women, once they have passed the point that they can’t get pregnant anymore, there’s a relief that comes with that. They feel more comfortable with being sexual.”

So you’re more sexual and ready to nab your dream hunk—but do you still feel like you’re holding back? In the readiness for a sexual relationship, women may find they hold back due to their insecurities.

“Women can feel self-conscious about normal age-related changes to their body, and this can be exacerbated when re-entering the dating scene,” said Bairstow. “Women may feel that they’re competing with younger women and feel pressured to look the same, which isn’t a realistic expectation. They may feel bad about themselves if they do not fit the narrow view of beauty that is portrayed in society, when in reality men tend to have a much broader definition of what is attractive.”

The pressure to look younger will feel natural, and the expectations to do something about it may feel even more necessary:

  • Do you feel the urge to lift and tuck?
  • Do you want your body to resemble the sexual explorer you were in your heyday?

Do things to feel good about yourself and recognize the qualities you have and play up these attributes, dressing in a way that makes you feel good. Refuse to compare yourself to younger women—or anyone else—and strive to be the best version of yourself.

This may be a new start, and it’s prime time to start living like it.


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